Sleep deprived mom

Today I was like a zombie at work because I've gotten such little sleep 3 days in a row.  After two nights of trouble, my toddler slept through last night peacefully.  However, my younger one had a rough night.  I spent from around 10pm to around 2am trying to soothe her to sleep.  I even gave her Advil and got blue medicine all over her white onesie!  Haha.. has anyone tried holding a squirmy fussy baby with one hand while trying to slip sticky medication from a dropper into the mouth of a screaming child?  Quite a challenge... Oh and it was also in the semi dark because I didn't want to overstimulate her with too much light!


So she finally went back to sleep around 2a but was up again at 4a.  Then back down by 5a and slept till 10a!  However, I had to get up by 7a.  Therefore, I only got 4 total hours of interrupted sleep.


Haha.  I thought residency days were hard being on call every 4th night and sometimes every 3rd night.  When you are on call in the hospital, you may get very little sleep if any sleep at all... however, with the new sleep rules now, you know you will go home by noonish the next day and will be able to sleep the following few nights!  There is no such predictability with kids.


I think my biggest struggle is the fact that I have absolutely no control.  I love control... I need to plan out my life... years at a time even.  Right now I am so disorganized and out of control, it is driving me nuts...


So deep breath!!  I'm learning to be more flexible.. to chill... to take it as it comes... and I'm trying to enjoy the little joys since I know this will be gone in a flash.  Though I'm so super tired and can hardly keep my eyes open when holding my little one in the middle of the night, I also have a hard time putting her down because she is so darn cuddly, soft, and cute.


So that is where I am right now... sleep deprived...  trying to function... going crazy and wanting the time to past at times... but then wanting to freeze the moment and just snuggle forever the other times...